It's Time to Check In With Our Strong Friends
Last week on “Claws,” Quiet Anne had an absolute breakdown after watching Desna’s life soar to greatness while hers crashed and burned around her. If you’re not caught up on this season, I’ll give you a quick and dirty summary. Polly is failing to connect with Marnie while moonlighting as a choreographer for strippers. Virginia is adjusting to a long term relationship with Dean and Jen’s pending divorce with Vanilla Bryce reignites her struggle with alcohol (vodka soaked tampons y’all). Desna is slowly moving up in the drug world as Zlata’s lieutenant and marriage seems to be on the horizon for her and Dr. Ruval. And Quiet Anne has been there through it all.
Quiet Anne has always been the backbone of the group. For starters, she’s the first to arrive and the last to leave. She’s the one they always call when things are going left. She also takes care of everything for Desna, and she rarely asks for anything in return. The one time she did ask for something, which was her continued relationship with her lady cop girlfriend, the group forced her to sacrifice it for the sake of their own survival. They didn’t know that she was planning to adopt a child with her girlfriend, and they certainly didn’t understand the depth of the love between them. Despite everything she contributes to the group, she also is forced to put up with their shit, support them through all of their trials and tribulations, and serve as the taskmaster and errand boy for Desna’s every whim. She was going through a lot and none of them even noticed until she exploded on them.
I felt this episode in my soul. We, as friends, have to do better about checking in with our strong friends. When was the last time you checked in with your “strong friend?” Think about that one friend you know that will always have your back. Your ride or die. Your steadyhand. That one friend that you know will come running if you call and will answer the phone in the dead of night if something is wrong. The one that will act without hesitation for you. When was the last time that you sat on the phone and listened to them instead of talking? Do you know what’s going on in their lives right now? Any major achievements, disappointments, pending stressors or reasons for excitement? It’s okay to be invasive sometimes and ask them what the hell is going on. Do you know? If the answer to any of those questions is no, then Houston, we have a fucking problem.
Yes, we need our strong friends. They are our rocks (no Plies), but just because someone is seen as strong does not mean that they aren’t dealing with their own shit. It certainly doesn’t mean that they don’t get sad, depressed, anxious or upset. Yes, it’s okay to call them when things are going wrong or when our world is upside down, but it shouldn’t be on a consistent basis. Sometimes we have to listen and not talk. We have to pay attention to the things that they say and the things that they don’t say. We have to remember that our friends can unconsciously take on our stress in their attempt to help us out of funky moods, nervous breakdowns, and overall shitty situations. Understand that the strong friend will sometimes sit in silence because they feel that no one cares.
It’s time to do better.
It shouldn't take an emotional "explosion" to know that something is going on with our friends. If you need to be invasive, be invasive. Get in their ass! We all need someone to talk to.
The world is a shitty place right now for anyone that isn’t a cisgender white man or woman, and it seems that many of us are barely hanging on by a thread. It’s okay to talk to our friends and family about what’s going on in our lives, and it’s even better to listen when they decide to share as well.
In the midst of our own shit, no one should get left behind and no one should feel forgotten.