Hoteps, Pastors, and Men want you to #LevelUp
Not since Ayesha Curry tweeted that she preferred to cover up have I seen Twitter erupt in such a fire over the issue of modesty. I woke up Saturday morning and did the usual routine of skimming the Internet. The first thing I saw was that Ciara was trending. Now, if you're familiar with the Chronicles of CiCi then you know that her trending on Twitter can mean two things: 1. Russell Wilson is doing his due diligence and being a good step father and ashy, "my father wasn't there for me," Twitter is pissed again; or 2. Ciara has posted a video of herself singing (I love Ciara but we all know). But, it wasn't any of these reasons. Ciara posted this sermon on her Instagram with the caption #LevelUp.
Now you see why I mentioned Ayesha Curry. Let's just say Black Twitter had a field day with this and the blood that was shed defending Ciara against Future seemed useless. There is a problem with the message but I wish people would have spent more time focusing on it than bashing Ciara.
The problem with this entire message is that women are simply tired of pastors, so called relationship experts (Rev Run, Tyrese, etc), and ashy Hoteps telling them how we need to conduct themselves in order to get a husband. It's the constant ranting of how we should dress, how we need to honor ourselves, and how we need to interact with men. We need to operate in the spirit of a wife in order to get a ring, right? Day-in and day-out we hear these same messages over and over all the while where men particularly criticize us and warn us that our behavior has made us block our own blessings.
In the midst of all these messages and sermons, you know what was missing? The message for men.
Where are the lectures and the sermons for men who would rather be in siuationships than build meaningful relationships with their significant others? The men that would rather spend years playing the field because they know there are more women out here and they have time. The men that don't mind their girlfriends playing the role of the wife but secretly have no plans to actually marry her. Is that what it means to operate in the spirit of a wife? If so, I have plenty of friends who have done it and gotten their heart broken because their men were never planning to "level up" as they say. Yeah, try telling them to operate in the spirit of being a dutiful husband first then come talk to me.
It really irritates me how being single (especially in the Christian community) is seen as shameful. You're a single woman so you must be out here living a wild, unhinged lifestyle. To be considered respectable, you need a HUSBAND. It's annoying and it's even worse when not only does it come from men, but women as well (*coughs* Heather Lindsey). Y'all know she's strange and makes a point every week to talk about how much being single is not of God. Also, before you start popping your gums at me, please know that both my parents are ministers and I've met some of the most Christian men who had no business being married. Back to more important things...
Listen, I judge no one and their journey to marital bliss. I think marriage is beautiful and it's even more desirable when it's between two people who respect and bring out the best in each other. What I don't like is being told what I need to do and how I need to change in order to attract a mate especially when men are never expected to make the same adjustments.
Clearly, you liked everything about me before we got serious so why do I need to change now? Everyone's journey is different and what worked for Ayesha and Ciara ain't for everybody. I don't shun them for it either. Sometimes you need to shake the table a little bit and switch it up. What I will say is this, if you're in a relationship with someone and you both aren't on the same page concerning the future of your relationship, then it's time to throw deuces. Simple as that. If you're still single and waiting, enjoy life, focus on yourself, and have fun. The right one will come along but in the meantime, make sure your partner is "Leveling Up."