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“Insecure” Season 3, Episode 5 Recap: Hot Mess & Hot Sex

“Insecure” Season 3, Episode 5 Recap: Hot Mess & Hot Sex

Y’all, I don’t even know how to summarize this episode.

I was worried for Issa at the end of last week. As someone who quit her full-time job without another one lined up once upon a time, let me be the first to tell you that I don’t wish that kind of uncertainty and financial stress on my worst enemy. But even though Issa no longer got y’all, she got this! She’s Lyfting more frequently, and I must say she’s owning it. The app can throw any passenger her way, because she can handle all the drunks, chatty Cathys and creeps now. Even everyone’s fave from seasons one and two, Thug Yoda, makes a cameo. He needs to get some fresh all-red outfits at the Brenshaw Mall.

Issa also has a new side gig being Molly’s personal assistant—picking up dry cleaning, buying toiletries from Target and dropping off Flavor Flav at doggy daycare. Must be nice to have more money than time, and work at an all-Black law firm that’s OK with your casually-dressed friend and concierge stopping by. Issa can’t stay too long at Jackson, Johnson & Washington though, because Molly has to get back to work if the girls are trying to leave for Coachella on schedule. Issa checks her phone while leaving the office, and it looks like sexy-ass Nathan with the deep voice isn’t the most responsive via text. She fights the urge to double text him. Girl, I’VE BEEN THERE.

Molly and Taurean are killing it as a team, even though Taurean is doing all of the talking in front of the partners. Molly overextends herself once again by volunteering to work on a brief over the weekend. Sis, I understand that you have to prove yourself at your new job, but this obsession with being a star so soon is very unhealthy.

Issa is officially out-of-office for the weekend at her apartment complex. The handwritten cardboard sign she hangs up on her front door with masking tape tells us so. Resident Trina catches Issa on her way out. Trina says she has bed bugs. Although we all know Trina may have some undiagnosed mental illness, I believe her. Issa will be coming back from Palm Springs to a bed bug-infested property. You can stall the Devil, but he never leaves.

Tiffany and Kelli are waiting outside in Kelli’s car, but Molly is missing. She’s still at the office and decided she needs to work on this legal brief instead of going to Coachella. It must also be nice to be OK with wasting hundreds of dollars and not sweating it. Issa pleads with Molly and even offers to help with the brief in their downtime. She does watch Judge Judy, so she’s practically a lawyer too. Molly is back on the trip. She’ll figure it out.

The girls (not Molly) make it to Palm Springs, and Issa isn’t trying to hear about her lack of traditional full-time employment from Kelli and Tiffany. She’s ready to turn up! But first, Tiffany and Baby Dubois need to take a cat nap, and Kelli needs to get a hold on her edibles high. Everyone is asleep when Molly makes it to the Airbnb. She might as well finish the brief.

Issa is up early the next morning, so everyone needs to get up too. They have a full day ahead of them, so it’s only right to start the day with shots of rosé. Pregnant Tiffany even indulges in a tiny sip. This weekend is not going to end well. Guess who’s also in Palm Springs this weekend? Nathan. He got a last-minute festival ticket and will be at the Black pool party. I love us for real—carving out our own spaces at one of the world’s biggest and whitest music events.

The girls (plus Molly) make it to the pool party, and Issa spots Nathan almost immediately. Nathan brought friends, so that’s nice for unamused Molly and already-drunk Kelli. Issa isn’t sweating Nathan at all—just calling him out on not texting back! One of Nathan’s friends offers the group some MDMA. Oh, y’all are doing Coachella like the Caucasians! Everyone except for Tiffany indulges. The rosé is enough for her and her unborn child.

Nathan and Issa are boo’d up and handsy by the pool at the pool party where Black people are actually swimming! This is cute. Issa is already high. Molly is high too, but Molly makes Molly overshare about her affair with Dro to strangers at the bar.

Issa and her girls, and Nathan and his boys make it to the actual Coachella. I was worried about them for a minute. I mean everyone is high on drugs, and they don’t stop taking drugs once they get on the festival grounds! Everyone’s 30 starts showing soon enough. Issa and Nathan break away from the dance party to get some water, and Kelli and Nathan’s friend Julian break away to get some food. Tiffany, Molly and Nathan’s other friend Andrew (the man bun-clad Asian zaddy) hold down everyone’s spot on the field...barely.

Issa and Nathan are walking around, and Issa is trying to act like Nathan not texting back doesn’t bother her but it does! Speak your speech, sis! We’re grown. Nathan is caught off guard being called out, but hits her back with a valid question: “Why don’t you hit me up?” Man. I’m triggered. Texting is such a mind fuck, but they talk it out like adults. Come to find out, Nathan’s trying to play it cool because he feels like he came on too strong during their impromptu day date. Issa’s high subconscious breaks out into a rap, and Nathan joins in! IF THIS AIN’T INTIMACY, I don’t know what is! The two stumble upon a Ferris wheel. I’m not saying TV and movies are predictable and formulaic, but I knew two things were going to happen on this Ferris wheel: 1) A malfunction, and 2) some fucking. I’m so excited for the latter!

Nathan is really into Issa, and I love this for her. I love this for what this represents in the media. I just love it! Issa tells to Nathan that she quit her job, and Nathan comforts her by letting her know that she’s going to get back on her feet in a major way. Encouragement is so sexy.

As predicted, the Ferris wheel stops. Nathan is afraid of heights, so he’s panicked. Issa pounces on Nathan to ease his fears. I’m so here for a woman initiating sex and *claps* geting *claps* what *claps* she *claps* wants! Nathan ain’t thinking about his acrophobia anymore. I don’t know if it’s the music playing in the background or the blue lighting, but this fucking on the Ferris wheel is so hot. God, I see what you’re doing for others, and I know that you’re all-knowing!

Back near the stage, Kelli and Julian return to find some white people in the spot where they were formerly standing. It’s par for the course at an outdoor festival, so Kelli can’t really trip that others took “her” spot. However, this ain’t even about that. This is about every white person who takes up space everywhere As Kelli tries to reclaim her space, a white woman tells her to calm down and calls her a “first-timer” at the festival  These are fighting, race riot-inciting words and micro-aggressions in 2018. Kelli puts hands on the white woman, and chaos ensues. Kelli is fighting, Molly is fighting, and Tiffany is dousing SmartWater on the figurative flames that is this squirmish. Security acts quickly and escorts the Black folk and Asian zaddy out of the festival.

The Ferris wheel starts working again, and Issa magically gets cell phone service again. She needs to meet her high and soon-to-be kicked out friends at the festival entrance. At the entrance, everyone’s wristbands are being taken away away right when Beychella starts. Kelli isn’t about to miss the Queen. She risks it all and makes a run for it back to the stage. She makes it about eight feet until she’s tased with what appears to be a long-distance taser? Although I never laughed this hard this season, this is sad.

Issa makes it back to the Airbnb with Nathan. This will not be a nightcap. She has to tend to her friends, especially since she’s the friend that isn’t a hot mess for once. Kelli, Molly and Tiffany are in total breakdown. Kelli is being herself, but on drugs, Molly is trying to do work on her laptop, and Tiffany is trapped in a closet high-FaceTiming Derek. Issa gets everyone under control. Thank God.

The girls survive the night. They all come to a consensus that they’re too old for the high jinks. Issa and Tiffany make a quick trip to 7-11 to get some water. In the parking lot, Tiffany and Issa have a real moment. Tiffany shares that she just can’t hang like she used to and fears that she’ll continue to feel left out after Baby Boy Dubois comes into the world. Issa half-assedly reassures Tiffany that motherhood won’t change things. Sadly, babies change things! Here’s to hoping that Tiffany won’t be a distant memory in future seasons.

As Issa looks for alkaline water, she gets a text from Nathan! You see what communication can do for those who are willing? She also bumps into Chad. Yes, Lawrence’s bad advice-giving sidekick. Chad is sipping his Slurpee like the troll that he is. Mr. Hootie Hoo himself emerges from the drinks station.

Dusty negroes rejoice! Your savior is back and in pastel colors.

I’m tired of the Hive already.

How do you feel about Lawrence being back? Comment below!

Wills are for us, too!

Wills are for us, too!

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