When Am I Going to Have My Andre 3000 Sighting?
I remember the exact moment that I fell in love with Hip Hop. I can't remember the date or how old I was, but I remember the exact moment when music, particularly rap, buried itself deep inside of my soul and refused to let go. I was sitting in my room, which shared a wall with my brother, and it was during that point where he was trying to fulfill the stereotypical black teenager dream of wanting to be a rapper. And, one day, he was doing his usual routine of trying to spit a Hot 16 (newsflash: they weren’t that hot) when all of a sudden our shared wall started vibrating. I literally felt the bass in my chest. Then I heard this hard hitting percussion followed by somebody singing "Damn, Damn, Damn James." AND THEN CAME THE HORNS! My. God. From that moment, I was never the same. I became an Outkast fan, and even though I fear new music from them will never come, I still am a hardcore Atlien living in Stankonia.
For the past few years, Big Boi has remained on the scene, making music, and even recently performing at the Superbowl, but Andre 3000 is elusive. He's always been a private person, but I must admit that in this digital age, he's taken that shit to a different level. Where in the world is Andre SanDiego? Who knows? Even Beyonce couldn't get him to appear in her video for their song "Party". The only time that you're guaranteed to even know that he's still alive is when he randomly pops up for a feature on somebody's song. His unique voice and flow always comes in, absolutely kills the verse, and then disappears as if he was never there. I mean, have you heard him on Anderson Paak's "Come Home", which is on his latest album? WHO EVEN RAPS LIKE THAT?!
So imagine my surprise at the recent string of sightings of him walking around playing a flute. It's more odd to me that he's allowing himself to be seen in public than the fact that he's playing a flute (most likely a wooden one because he's 3 Stacks). And he hasn't been seen just once. No, he's been seen at least 3 or 4 times by random ass people. Do any of these people really know Andre 3000? I'll never forget their Coachella performance a few years ago. You could hear the physical strain and disdain in his voice as he practically pleaded for energy from a crowd that clearly wasn't familiar with his music. They only knew "Hey Ya", "BOB", and "Ms. Jackson". They didn't know "She Lives in My Lap" or "Bowtie", "Elevators" or even "Aquemini." How do you not know "AQUEMINI"?! So, how do we know that these people are even worthy of his divine, mystical, and at times, Camp-like presence?!
Andre with his damn flute. Photo Credit: The lucky summabitch who was able to find him.
You may say that I sound like a stalker, but I'm just a fan like any other person who grew up in the Dirty South. Outkast is us, and we are Outkast. We have been pleading for decades for new music from them, but we humbly take the table scraps we've been given with peace. Furthermore, the world is a complete dumpster fire (literally if you believe the recent warnings from the UN regarding climate change). I feel like a Johnny Vulture sighting would make me feel helluva lot better about this rat race called life. Any man who leaves the house in a conductor hat and matching Osh Kosh overalls while carrying a flute clearly does not give any fucks, and honestly, it's what I need in my life. These random sightings are so 3000 that it's nice to know that some things never change. It's rejuvenating to know that in a world so full of ups and downs, there are some things that are constant. So, when am I going to have my Andre 3000 sighting?!
Does anybody know how to conjure 3000? I'm two seconds away from prowling up and down the streets of SoHo in New York (Word is that it's his usual spot), but I know that will only lead to me catching a charge. So I'll take the more practical and mystical route first. So, what do I need to do? If a sacrifice to the paisley & permed hair gods is what I need to do, then I'll do it. Do I need to put on sunglasses, a beanie, and a platinum blonde wig while singing "Prototype" in a circle? Maybe I need to join the raid at Area 51 while wearing a tin foil hat. WHATEVER YOU WANT ICE COLD! Let me know. I will have on my best suspenders with a matching fedora when you get here.
DO I NEED TO WEAR MAKEUP LIKE THIS? CUZ I WILL!! Photo Courtesy of GQ (Clearly).
