I Am Ready For Love

I have to be honest, I’ve been avoiding this post. It’s not that I don’t want to talk about it or have a fear of saying it out loud, it’s because I didn’t want to deal with the criticism or opinions that would come with it. Maybe I will feel differently once I’m done, anyways, here I go……

After two years of self reflection, working on myself and focusing on other projects, I am in the market for a relationship, I’m talking about a real relationship, not a situationship or just casual dating. I’m talking about the real thing. I’m willing to say it aloud and blog about it because it’s important to put things into the atmosphere so it can manifest.. While meeting men and the actual practice of going out on a date hasn’t been a problem for me, meeting someone who actually strikes my fancy has been the problem. Sure, I could have just settled for the last person that showed genuine interest in me, but the lack of honesty with myself would make things worse in the long run and that’s not fair to anyone.

One of the biggest issues with my dating life that I’ve been working on is dating any and everyone who showed interest in me. You might be asking yourself why is this a problem? It’s a problem because not all attention is good attention. While someone might express interest in you and want to date you, it doesn’t mean they are meant for you. Growing up, I dealt with a lot of insecurity concerning my appearance. I never thought I was ugly, but I never considered myself to be someone’s top pick in terms of dating. Fast forward to current times and I still question when people approach me.

My thoughts would range from “You sure you aren’t interested in my friend?” or “This is only going to be end up with me being in the friend zone.” This type of thinking leads to a mindset of entertaining anyone who expresses interest and it’s a trash habit. I would end up in these dating situations where I knew I wasn’t compatible with someone, but stayed in it longer then i should because I should be grateful that someone paid me attention. Terrible right? Thankfully, I’ve since freed myself from that and have a renewed sense of self confidence.

I was about to end this post here cause I was over it, but I’m pushing forward…..

Another point of contention for me when it comes to relationships is having to deal with the barrage of questions from family and friends in regards to my love life. When I went home over the holiday break, people came up to me left and right, grabbing my hand and stating “We are praying for you sweetie, you husband is coming.” Like…..I bought a house last year, but this is what you choose to focus on. I wish that old school southern blacks knew how much we millennials hate to hear this and how much pressure it puts on us. If they are real old school, they will toss in the “She choose to chase a career instead of settling down'' or “A career won’t keep you warm at night.” All you can do is grin and bite your tongue because respect for your elders and all. You guys get what I mean and no matter how much you explain it to them, you still seem like a failure in their eyes because you haven’t acquired a husband and had children.

I want to make it clear that I’m not looking for a perfect person. I’m far from it and none of us are. However, there are things that are I’m not willing to tolerate when it comes to long term relationships. I’ve witnessed so many friends end up in relationships where they let a lot of things slide. You find yourself compromising so much in order to be wit this person that they lose themselves in the process. While I know you can’t avoid all of the bumps in road, I refuse to lose myself in relationship. I’ve had to remind myself several times that regardless of how bad I want to hold hands with someone, I can’t lose sight of what I want in a relationship. Loneliness will fool you into thinking that you need to just settle for anyone and I promise you, that is not a path you want to take.

So, here I am. Bearing my soul to the world and saying out loud that I am opening myself up to a relationship. Has this post made me feel vulnerable? Yes. Does it make appear weak or desperate? I don’t think so. They say you have not because you ask not so I don’t mind speaking it into existence. I know what I want in man and what I need out of relationship so I’m walking into this journey with confidence. No more wasting my time or others on meaningless connections. No more dating apps and no more settling. I’m calling genuine and honest connections for all of 2020.

P.S. If something spectacular happens and I end up engaged by the end of year, I will make sure to update y’all. Hey, stranger things have happened.