When It's Time To Let Go
We're going talk about it, and I'm even willing to be transparent about about my own experience in order to make a point. I'm talking about ending relationships that you know aren't good for you. Yes, we are going there.
You know those relationships that look really pretty on the outside but aren't the best on the inside? The ones where you aren't being mentally or physically stimulated but you stay because it's easier to go through the motions day-in and day-out than be alone? Those relationships where you aren't being emotionally supported and before you know it, you are seeking that support elsewhere? When it reaches that point, you and I both know it's time to be honest with yourself and end the relationship.
I was with my significant other for about two years and ideally, it was a good match. There were no devastating incidents or traumatic events that occurred but somewhere in the second year, things changed for me. In the midst of trying to manage my own anxiety, I felt like I had become an emotional crutch for someone else. At a time where I was feeling my lowest emotionally, I wasn't receiving the support that I needed. At that point, the red flag was being waved right in front of my face and I chose to ignore it. I kept thinking to myself, "I can make this work, all we need to do is talk it and it will be fine."
Even when we did, nothing changed, but I continued to carry on. It wasn't until my therapist pointed out that certain aspects of my relationship were a problem that I realized I couldn't do it anymore. Even with that realization, it literally took a physical push in order for me to say, "You know what, I just can't do this anymore." Those very words terrified and scared me more when I said them aloud but I knew it had to be done.
I struggled a lot after ending my relationship. I was worried about whether I had made the right decision, what other people would think, and whether I had jumped the gun. You ask yourself all these questions because people think you're crazy for ending a perfect relationship. They ask things like "Did he hit you?" or "Was cheating involved?" No, none of that happened but since it didn't people couldn't understand why I would I walk away. It had more to do with putting myself first than staying in a relationship that I knew wasn't right.
I don't follow Demetria Lucas full time but I do remember her from the show "Blood, Sweat, and Heels" and that she was married. I got bored one day and decided to skim her Instagram and noticed one thing. Her husband was no where to be found. When I noticed that, I asked my friend Talia who is more familiar with Demetria's brand if something had happened with her marriage and she was just as clueless as I was.
No less than two weeks later, Talia posted this message in our group message and I was completely undone. I not only related to her situation but I lived it. The insecurity, the fear of starting over and people wondering why you would choose to be alone instead of making it work.
I didn't have answers to all these questions but I did know that I couldn't be with someone just for the sake of being with someone. I've seen so many of my friends and people close to me settle because they don't want to start over or they fear they may not be able to find anyone else. Neither of those things were going to work for me.
I'm going to be honest, I'm still trying to navigate everything. I have my days where my emotions are all over the place and I'm crying in the bathroom while on a date because I have no clue what I"m doing. I had to text a friend on that last incident (Thanks Eason). Thankfully, I'm supported by a wonderful group of people that remind me constantly that I'm going to be just fine and I believe you will be too.
I might sound old for saying this but everything that glitters isn't gold and we can't be afraid to walk away from it. We aren't meant to be alone in this world so I'm taking a chance and trusting the process. I hope you do too.