I’m Sick of Men & Toxic Masculinity
I’m so sick of men and their toxic masculinity. God forbid any of them show just a little bit of human emotion or vulnerability. This is a post that’s been building for a very long time, but I’ve constantly been putting it off. I should have written it when 85% of the black men on my TL talked trash about Terry Crews because he was open about his sexual assault by a man. Now, this video has just been released of Braves baseball player Ozzie Albie comforting his teammate and best friend Ronald Acuña Jr. after he found out that his mother passed away during the game. Some of y’all wish y’all had a male friend to hold you when you felt like your damn world is crumbling around you, but you’re too insecure to admit it. I’m over the bullshit, and you should be too.
Why is it that men, especially black men, consider it a weakness to express their emotions, whether it be verbally or physically? It’s because they have been taught to adhere to strict gender roles that restrict men to “alpha male” or dominant behavior and prevents the expression of any emotion outside of anger. Instead of attempting to break down this behavior, society has continuously reinforced the conformity to such roles through tradition, competition, and general social interactions. These notions do not take into account the social, mental, physical and emotional stress that it places on men in our society, and it certainly does not account for the promulgation of the violent and destructive behaviors it often causes.
Why does this even matter? It matters because men are out here showing their ass at the slightest hint of anything that makes them feel uncomfortable. And instead of opening your mouth and saying, “I’m hurting,” you’d rather question the masculinity of another man. You could simply look at your life and realize that you need fucking help because you can’t do it alone, but you’d rather blame everyone except your damn self. Instead of crying when you feel the urge, you’d rather be verbally or physically abusive towards women, trans people, members of the LGBTQ community or anyone that doesn’t fucking look like you. Instead of actually discussing the trauma in your past life, you’d rather brush it under the rug until everyone except you realizes that you’re experiencing your own version of PMS. I’m sick of the shit.
There is nothing wrong with accepting comfort and support from another man during a time of mourning. It’s not gay. You know what’s gay? Having physical intercourse with or having sexual desire for someone of the same sex. That’s literally the definition of gay. Look it up, dipshits. Furthermore, not everything is sexual. Some things are just human, and the sooner you realize that, the better off you will be. And I got news for you, big boys do cry.
And in regards to Terry Crews, men, especially black men my God, must take the steps necessary to confront the trauma that has happened to them in the past. It’s okay to admit that you were abused in the home or in your relationship. You can say “I was bullied as a child and it really fucked me up,” and no one will think less of you. There’s nothing weak about admitting that you were sexually assaulted. We should applaud Terry Crews for having the courage to name his attacker and serve as example for other men who have been too afraid or ashamed to admit it. Arguments that he should’ve just beat that man’s ass are not valid. We already know he would’ve ended up in jail, and he has enough money that a lawyer and a court is more effective than any fist would. Not everything can be solved with violence despite what your ideals of “masculinity” might tell you. Fuck 50 Cent, Russell Simmons, and any other man who wants to criticize and humiliate Terry instead of supporting him. There’s a saying about people in glass houses that is more than applicable to the two of them given the allegations that have been thrown their way.
We need to be real with ourselves. Toxic masculinity is killing men, whether it be by their own hands or another’s. We, as a society, need to address it and take the steps necessary to dismantle this patriarchal system of social interaction. Start in your own homes, your own families, and your own friend circles. When you see it, say something. Encourage open expression and community with every man in your life and don’t feed into the bullshit that society tries to feed you on a daily basis about what makes a real man. This ain’t Mulan!