Sis, Is He Yours?
Gather round folks, I have a story to tell. Well, it's more than that. It's a story and an affirmation because there's a lesson in everything.
I've been honest about my journey in the dating world since my previous relationship ended and it's been quite interesting. I've been open to meeting people and even joined a dating app for a brief period of time (that didn't last long). No one really peaked my interest until last December. Right before Christmas, I attended an ugly Christmas sweater party with friends, and right as we were about to head out, a man approached me who I had noticed earlier. I prepared myself for another corny pick-up line but none of that happened. He mentioned something about Jameson whiskey and everything took off from there. For those who know me. they understand that it takes a lot to hold my interest because I have my own quirks and a weird sense of humor. For me to connect with someone so quickly was a relief. Alas, I thought, a man who gets me.
It turned out to be more of just the same.
Fast foward to six months later and this man was still present. I thought we were both honest about our dating situations and I also managed to verify everything I was told by him through social media (you have to check the carfax report). I was also very realistic about the situation. For one, he lived in a completely different state and two, he had a child and a very complex work schedule. Despite that, he still managed to make visits and we continued to get to know one another. I even told him several times "Hey, if this doesn't go any further, at least I gained a new friend." The only thing I wanted from him was honesty. He clearly wasn't interested in that so we continued on as usual. Things took a took a sharp left last month when his "ex" began lurking on my Instagram page.
That was when the first light bulb went off.
Ladies, you know when you have feeling that something just isn't right? That's what happened when this woman found my Instagram page. Grant it, he did tell me about her but assured me that nothing else was going on. I wasn't buying it because when women lurk, it's probably for a good reason. Normally, I would let things like this go but it kept bothering me and I knew there was more to the story. I, being an adult, asked him again about his situation and he again denied it. He did add another nugget of information by telling me that she too had known about me since we met in December.
How did this girl know who I was? Why would she ask about me? "Oh, we didn't work out but we became good friends afterwards." I wasn't buying it. I let it go but my intuition was still screaming at me and I believed there was more to the story. Trust and believe, there was a story to tell.
Just a mere two weeks ago, he was coming to town for an event and we had talked about meeting up. All of a sudden, things got weird. He had tons of excuses for things that just didn't make sense. My gut told told me that something was off but then again, this man wasn't my boyfriend so why was I was so concerned. I guess it is the principle of the matter.
Everything that I suspected needed to be confirmed and I eventually got my answer. A picture was posted with the same "ex" and even with photographic evidence he continued to deny they were an item. Are men really this stupid? Do they really think we're this dumb?
He continued to deny it but instead of taking his word for it, I went to the source. I slid in her DM's. Why not? Sis had been watching me for months. At this point, I felt like we were friends so I figured a conversation with her couldn't hurt. I'm not going to divulge the details of our conversation but everything that I suspected was confirmed. Yes, I was the Shirley in this situation but I had to know for myself.
I tried to make it a women's empowerment moment but she wasn't having it. She was comfortable with her lack of title. Sadly, when we women have invested time in someone regardless of how terrible they are, we aren't always so quick to leave. She made it quite clear that she was staying. I think what made it worse was that I wasn't some fly by night like she was led to believe. Ha! Have him girl, he's all yours. I don't compete for a human and I'm quick to remove myself from situations like this all together.
Even though I was relieved to find out everything, that didn't take the sting out of it. I felt like I had been completely transparent with this person and he was pretty dope. I even gave him numerous ways out because I was OK with a friendship. Again, I was realistic. This isn't my first rodeo with this type of situation and in the past, I've blamed myself. What did I do? Am I not enough? Why me? I found myself falling down the same rabbit hole and I stopped myself. I did nothing wrong. I was honest and upfront, and this man pursued me. Even approaching this woman took a lot of guts for me but I was vulnerable enough to do it and I'm glad I did. He and I still haven't talked and I believe he's waiting on the smoke to clear because he too is still lurking my social accounts. Heck, he may be reading this right now. *eyeroll*
I'm sharing this because I know a lot of us face self doubt when it comes to dating and relationships. We are in constant competition with each other (we shouldn't be and I shut it down every time it pops up) and men tend to prey on that. They know that they have options and it's your job to prove why they should pick you. Not me girl. I'm not dealing with the grey area anymore. I'm in my third decade of life and I'm not dealing with any foolishness from a man. Not when I don't have to.
I know my worth and I don't need to plead my case to anyone. In due time, the right one will come along. He will have no strings attached and he will be strictly meant for me and not everybody. So please be encouraged.
If you're reading this, I have three pieces of advice for you and I hope it helps:
- Always trust your intuition. It will never steer you wrong.
- You are more than enough. Don't ever feel like you have to prove yourself to anyone.
- Love on yourself at all times. Its the best form of therapy.